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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2006.12.05  10.20 Well the baby has been having real bad belly pains. Neither of us slept last night. he threw up too but just a little bit. Now we are bouncing hoping that some burps will come up. He did really well this morning but he still has a lot more in his belly. Later today we are going to Babies R us. I am buying him a swing that is supposed to be really good for collicy babies but... its 140.00. yea gross number! but if it will make him feel better than that will make me feel better! 22 more days! I have like a million appointments next week.. i really dont feel like going to any of them... oh well... it will be good. I have one right now too but its really not that important so im not going to go. Especially seeing as I just got the baby to calm down a tiny bit. I will have to call and cancel.

	2006.11.30  20.29 Wow I am just realizing that tomorrow is december. HOLY COW! where the heck did november go! I cant even believe it! Wow Wow Wow. anyway. I never imagined being a mom would be this incredibly hard. Its so worth it but oh so hard! The baby isnt feeling too good which means mom (me) is going crazy! He has been awake and fussing since 4am. We both had a pretty hard and intense day filled with a LOT of crying and throw up. anyway. So I found my soulmate. Its pretty cool. Hes in WI right now doing ATF. Makes me miss him a lot. oh well 27 more days till he is here.

	2006.11.09  18.55 Well no baby yet.. Saw my midwife today... got me scheduled for 3 tests next week if i havent had the baby yet. So that should be fun. I dont mind them and they are really easy so blah i dont care. but yea.. I dont really care when i have him. Somedays i really like him to get out but other days im like.. hmmm maybe he can stay in for a little bit longer. today ive been getting weird pains.. so we will see what happens. hopefully i will get insurance tomorrow.. anyway. nothing else to say i really want travel scrabble. is that weird?

	2006.11.05  12.50 I have been horribly sick for over a week now and i hate it.. still no sign of baby everytime i call someone their first question is "are you in labor???!!!" im pretty excited about it but i hope that he lets me get rid of my cold before he comes out. I cant imagine labor being fun when im so sick i cant get out of bed. My midwife is keeping an eye on it though to make sure that nothing bad happens to the baby. Also i need to get my health insurance card in the mail before i go into labor. So thats another good reason why its good he hasnt come isout yet. I need to feel better and have insurance. Im getting approved for wellfare sometime this week which is a huge bonus cause i have no money to my name..... im actually 14 dollars in debt.. which will just keep adding each week with each bill i have to pay off. But its amazing that i dont have to pay for the delivery! i like that a lot. I might get money too from Unemployment. Its kind of weird their whole procedure and i dont know if i care enough to go through all of the steps to get through it.. we will see how much money i get from wellfare and then i will decide from there how much effort i should put into my claim. anyway.. i stopped working thursday. it was supposed to be tuesday but i couldnt resist going in and visiting. i was supposed to work last night but was wayyyy too sick. this was a boring post...

	2006.11.01  23.07 5 days and one hour... wow.. so soon yet so far away. I think i will be totally ready by friday. friday would be a good day for him to come. that way i will have every single piece of paper filled out and faxed or mailed or signed. Then i will hopefully be approved by everything and i can have a baby stress free.. well we hope it will be stress free. my mom still wants like the whole world in the waiting room. little does she know that this will drive me crazy and i really want to be alone and i think i need to be alone. I cant afford to have medical intervention cause my insurance wont cover it so i cant be stressed out.... hopefully people will let me be till i am relaxed enough to let them in.

	2006.10.29  12.30 8 days

	2006.10.24  22.28 14 days to go got a new due date Nov 7th

	2006.10.20  03.27 well 27 days to go... (more or less) I feel like these next weeks are going to go on forever. I already feel like they are. Though not being in school makes it feel a lot different. It hasnt been too bad just you know pregnancy makes things really hard. A lot of stuff i have to ask help with which is hard and humbeling. But other than being exhausted from doing barely nothing I feel okay. I hear that i look great and still am "energetic". But who knows.. Ive been stressed to the brink trying to figure everything out and take care of work and then some friends who have no idea what life is about. Im starting to get sick from all the stress and I will admit that it sometimes makes me turn into a not-so-nice person. My hospital bag is packed. I finished child birth classes. I am all cleared and registered at the hospital. I have a horrible headache. Its the kind you get after you had just cried your eyes out. I did just cry my eyes out actually. Im going to probably do some fasting till sunday. Not sure what im going to give up but it will be something. I cant wait till my body goes back to normal. though i will miss some parts of it. anyway. Bed time.

	2006.10.16  12.14 1 month left....

	2006.10.11  17.26 1 month and 6 days.... Its about time he gets here!

	2006.10.09  00.50 well i was talking to someone today that really got me thinking.... im so confused about something.. I dont have any idea as tow hat im going to do.. ugh... life i had my baby shower today! it was good. i liked it at least and we all know that im the only one that matters :P angela.

	2006.10.06  01.06 5 weeks!

	2006.10.02  16.18 im having a baby soon!!

	2006.09.25  21.35 Read its amazing! Well all i can really say is wow... Im so amazed by how awesome and faithful God is. How He continues to bless me and love me. Tonight was amazing.. It was more than I had expected and so much more than I would have ever hoped for. The ending brought tears to my eyes.... I think its cause i learned and experienced that I am loved. I was scared and really nervous at the begining cause i had been so sad today and I was afraid that would ruin it. But then Liz gave me an assuring look making me realize that this is a time for me to relax and just have fun. There were so many people and I was excited to just hang out with them all and play games. I didnt even notice that there was an entire table full of presents for Joshua. The people there were all kids from like 7-9th grade so they were young and I wasnt expecting at all for there to be presents because teens and preteens dont want to waiste what little money they have on stupid baby shower presents for someone they barely know. I mean I am there every week but I usually talk with the adults and leaders and once in a while am able to get some one on one time with the kids so we werent really too close. We played games and ate food and cake. the kids were really hyper and wound up. I didnt make the boys stay to see me open presents so they could go play rather than listen to all the girls ohh and ahh over baby stuff. The thing about the presents was not the fact that they were amazing gifts all things i really needed but there was usually two parts to the present. One part was for the baby but then the other part was for ME! yes.. they got ME presents and not just stuff for Joshua. I never saw the mother getting any presents and it was mostly stuff they know i like... CHOCOLATE! lol I also got a bunch of other stuff too. It amazed me though because its like the presents were not only beautiful but stuff I wanted. and not just like stuff I wanted that werent like brand specific but its like if it was a teddy bear or something it was the exact teddy bear i wanted or the exact type of present I wanted or the exact stroller I wanted. it was amazing! The last present that was given to me was a card. Now the kids had lost attention so it was mostly parents and the adults around watching me open stuff and i noticed that all the kids went downstairs but i figured it was just to play more games and stuff cause thats where the YAS room is. So i opened the card and I had to read it a couple of times cause i was confused. Then I opened up a piece of paper that was inside and it was a sign up sheet that had a bunch of names on it next to numbers of the week and month. So i look up to ask Liz what it ment and i see all of the kids carrying huge packages of diapers. The church (one ive never gone to before and know no one at) had a sign up list to donate to me enough diapers to last over 6 months. So not only did I get pretty much everything i needed (i still dont have a single pacifier though), had a great time laughing and hanging out with friends, but I saw for the first time that I was really loved. that they were excited to give to me they were happy to help me and bless me. It was an amazing feeling and i just had to cry. Just seeing them there walking into the room carrying huge bags and boxes of diapers was just indescribable. This family I dont even know bought me a beautiful brand new stroller... its amazing. God is a great God and I feel so blessed right now.

	2006.09.24  19.00 Hey. I havent updated here in a while. Things have been going good. The baby is good. He still moves around a lot for being now at the begining of my 34th week. Its crazy how its almost already October. It seems as if September just flew by and I can imagine how fast October is going to go by. Teen Mania this next month is going to be doing a lot of LTEs this month. Im really excited about what they are going to learn from it. Im having a baby shower tonight! Im really excited to be able to hang out with people and celebrate Joshua. ATF was pretty amazing. I learned a lot and it was pretty much wicked awesome.

	2006.09.16  15.12 I only have like 60 days till Joshua is born!!! I think he is excited too cause he wont stop kicking!!!! its been like 3 days :) hope yall are doing well ATF NEXT WEEKEND!!!!!! so awesome!

	2006.09.01  22.43 soon to be 75 days left... wow 9 weeks 5 days 2 months 16 days

	2006.08.28  21.22 So I just got off the phone with Tim's mom. We talked for about an hour. She is really amazing and everytime I talk to her i wish i could be just like her. I hope I turn out to be a great mom and a graet person like she is. I like being able to talk to her and talk to her about Tim and ask her what I should do about that situation. Today we talked about the potential for me and tim getting married. It was definatly weird... but not that weird. We talked about God and how He would feel about it and she asked me many questions and gave me many helpful tips and steps to take in my life. I am really happy that we got to talk and be so honest about everything. i like that tim doesnt read this... that way i can talk about him :) anyway... I havent talked to him in a long time. and he is going away for a while... oh well we will talk eventually.... I guess im going to go.

	2006.08.27  00.30 I have had the most exhausting week/weekend... As soon as I got home today I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I just got a call though and it was Sarah Jones. I really miss her and wanted to talk to her but im not really cohearent right now so I told her I would give her a call back tomorrow. Then I realized my body was soaking wet with sweat but i was freezing.. so now 2 hours after i went to bed... I am awake trying to make myself feel better. I really miss my friend and really want to talk to them more than anything in the world right now. But of course... I can not. I hope we can talk soon...... I really dont feel well......... pray for me.

	2006.08.25  15.28 baby Joshua Christophe is healthy and cute. I uploading some pics onto my myspace www.myspace.com/authentic_beauty1516

	2006.08.24  16.16 Really nervous about tomorrow.... Going to check up on the baby. I have 3 appointments back to back tomorrow. then a lunch date then work. Pray for the baby if you get a chance. I'll give yall the update tomorrow

	2006.08.19  23.57 Well I was at work today.. and I hadnt slept in a long time and I really need caffine. SOooo I was hoping that maybe the baby wouldnt get too hyper because I hadnt had caffine in a while and maybe that would stop him.. i dont really know what i was thinking. So i only had a half a can of mountain dew and a small coffee and can I just say how much of a bad mistake that was. lol. He is ALL OVER THE PLACE. He is kicking everything off my stomach. Tim was praying for him and he kicked the phone off. If i lay on my side I like bounch up off the bed lol. Its INSANE. So i decided im not going to have any caffine till the day of my next US so when I go I can see what exactly he does in there. But yea... WOW. I was praying with Tim and it was only a few minutes because then he had to go cause of lights out and the baby kicked probably a hundred times. in just a couple of minutes.. So i had Tim pray that I would be able to sleep tonight because thatd be AWESOME! I really hope I can wake up for church tomorrow. Im hoping that I dont sleep through it because I havent slept long in a while but i really dont want to miss service. anyway.. im going to go and try to "sleep" aka enjoy a roller coaster in my uterus. 88 days

	2006.08.18  13.16 im trying so rediculously hard not to burst out just crying hysterically. Im pretty sure I made the right decision but it just hurts so bad.. I wish I could be there. i would be there right now. I would be breaking myself and seeking God.. I guess im just confused about weither or not i was supposed to be there.. why God made me get pregnant so I couldnt go. They would have let me still go if I had sex but the pregnancy thing really signed it over. the past 5 years of my life I dreamed about it.. about moving to Texas and devoting an entire year to nothing else but God... Now I cant. I have to break myself here and work so hard for little benifits. I wanted to go to gain friends, to find girls that i could talk to and share my heart with. I guess God wants to show me that I dont have to go to Texas to devote my life to God. But its so hard. I would be there right now in session. Doing a crazy amount of pushups, sit ups, running and stretching at 430 in the morning. I want that soooo bad. I am excited about the baby. But I just wish I could have gotten pregnant after the HA. My dream has been crushed.. But i guess God knows what He is doing. Tim might come up next wednesday if he can get off work. Itd be nice to see him.

	2006.08.18  03.03 I pretty much feel like crap... I cant sleep and im sooo tired. I ate wayyy too much last night. I had almost an entire LARGE order of Onion Rings and some brocoli. Lets just say there is so much food in me i feel like i cant breathe. Its soooooo hot.. Ugh a bad night to be pregnant.. 91 days left..

	2006.08.15  20.36 Life kind of reminds me of last summer when i was in Texas. It was one of the hardest time. I didn't feel God at all and felt like everyone was expecting so much out of me that I couldnt handle. Now that I look back I can see that in that time God was stretching me the most. When i cant feel His touch He is usually doing a deeper work inside me, pushing me to push myself. As hard as life is right now I am excited. I am excited to be desprate for Him. I may not feel Him but I want to be desprate for Him in everything, in all my times through all of my seasons. Its been extremely difficult but its so worth it. Its worth all of the pain because I am building up an eternal crown. "take me to that place, Lord to that secret place where I can be with You You can make me like You" Lord, place a fire inside my heart that burns so deep and bright for You. Help me to see your love and become captivated by Your very being. I want to seek You, search for You and become more like you. Please Lord, continue to break me and then mold me into Your likeness. Help me to become strong and solid as I build my life on Your rock. I pray all of this in your name Jesus. Amen.